Alan the bouncer

We have a bouncer here at church.co.uk to deal with the difficult people that come through the door....The move to hire Alan came about as a result of my dealings with some intimidating and aggressive individuals. I've never heard of a church that has a bouncer so we must be the first. You might be saying "i thought the aim behind the church is to be inclusive to all people!" but i've come to the realisation that you cant always be inclusive. We don't have the energy to be constantly inclusive to all people because a lot of the people we deal with are very demanding. If i've learned anything this year it's about having good boundaries. I certainly feel determined to change people's lives but there is only so much i can do. Often i've felt a burden to be the answer to all people's problems perhaps because of my open job description. Volunteers don't have a definite position and so i found myself using my skills wherever possible and over time this has taken a strain on me. The result of months of hard graft is i've got little energy for the people i had so much time for in the past. I'm still pleasant to them but i've lost sight of my initial aim to support them.

There is this one homeless guy who's deaf in one ear. I've been working with him to try and get a hearing aid through the NHS but as times gone on I've lost the energy to deal with all the hurdles we need to overcome. Because of his hearing deficiency you have to repeat everything twice and because he's homeless you never know when he's going to turn up at the church. This makes meetings impossible. Alongside him there are lots of other homeless guys all desperate for a listening ear (excuse the unintentional pun) struggling with loneliness and poverty. For a long time i would try and speak to them all because i felt that was my job. I didn't feel there was a commitment in conversation but this led to me identifying need and then wanting to do something about it. This year has been a great training for my journey into Statutory Social Work. I'm well aware of my limits and i realise the importance of joint working whereby people work together to solve issues. I'm not sure i want to work for a church in the future. I've enjoyed the chance to outlive the values of my faith in a church setting but i feel more passionate about professional working. I've struggled at times with the less professional approach of the church (this is not a criticism) and look forward to the more structured approach within professional social work. No doubt i will face other challenges and i approach them with an open mind.

I've discussed with many people that Churches need to become more like efficient businesses. Businesses have a product that is culturally relevant in the sense that people use it. Alongside this they have long term vision and aims.....Church.co.uk is on a journey to run like a business. We offer our services like products and then market them in line with the current marketing campaigns around us. People are essentially interested in the fellowship the church offers but it does us no harm to appear professional. We're also very aware of our mission. We ask the questions about what our niche market is.....is it the homeless or do we have a problem in our community with youth crime. We work to the needs of our community and we try to identify the needs of that particular group. Perhaps the biggest challenge facing me next year when i move to Glasgow is finding a church. I moved to London because of my struggle with Church. I have wonderful christian friends and am grateful of the nurturance my home church has given me. However, Church.co.uk suits my theology perfectly. I do not go to church to receive and i do not go to church to listen to a sermon i cant relate to my daily life. In my eyes a sermon that doesn't offer practical advice is nothing worth hearing. That may be a strong view but Jesus never preached anything that didn't have a practical meaning. I go to church to act upon my faith and i go to church to leave with direction and mission for the week ahead. "your being to picky Andrew!", no I'm not. All church should be like this, and i can assure you that a church like this will not lose most of it's teenage population at age sixteen. It's not just the responsibility of a youth worker to youth work but the responsibility of a whole church - 'working church - a church that works'.

So he says.....who's the king of peace and i said jesus.....he said - you're looking at him!

Again apologies for disappearing in a virtual sense. In reality I'm alive and kicking and currently beginning the dissent from the summit of my year in London. Perhaps my lack of Blogging reflects my state of mind. I'm now thinking about the future and this means i spend less time reflecting on my current position. I'll try my up most to keep blogging right until the end.

I faced a very difficult situation today when one of the homeless guys well known to the church began to be disruptive in the coffee shop. In the absence of the leadership team i got a call from the cafe staff asking if i could go up and assess the situation. When i got upstairs this guy was preach-shouting (a mixture of shouting and preaching) at the staff. We find that many of our visitors to the coffee shop like to tell us about the love of God as if preaching to the unconverted.

I knew the homeless guy in the coffee shop quite well and on more sober days he and I have looked at getting him permanent accommodation. When he saw me he smiled and opened his arms to go for the hug......not only that he went to kiss my neck!! A little surprised i stepped back and told him that a hand shake was appropriate but a kiss wasn't.....at that he accused me of calling him gay and i quickly rushed to reassure him that i was not saying this. Prior to engaging with him i had thought that maybe i could ask him politely to calm down and perhaps usher him to sit outside but it became apparent very quickly that he had no intention of leaving the building. Things became worse when two well built black guys came in looking very drugged up. As i listened to our homeless friend i watched as the two guys walked straight up to a group of customers and began begging for food. The two girls working in the coffee shop were busy serving customers and so i was left with the dilemma of which person to deal with first. I thought that the two other guys coming in gave me an opportunity to ask the homeless guy to move on (saying i had other work to do and would he be kind to allow me space to do the work) but he told me that he was fine and would hang around in case i needed any back up - he then proceeded to talk about his twenty years in prison and the action he had taken to gain respect on the streets.....

I left him for a moment and went over to the other two men, one of whom was sitting on the table eating some rice. The other was asking a customer for food. I asked the one on the table to sit on a seat and he looked blankly at me. Luckily his friend told him to move and the customer said he would buy them both a coffee. For the moment i was assured that the customer was happy to have them there and i could go back to dealing with my homeless friend. By this time he was beginning to talk quite aggressively about how he would sort the other two guys out if they did anything to disrespect the church.....difficult situation. The last thing i wanted was three drugged up men fighting in the middle of the coffee shop.

Eventually the two men left because they felt they had to wait too long for their coffee and the homeless guy left after about twenty minutes of telling me about his past in Jail. Probably one of the most intimidating situations I've been in this year because of my vulnerability around confrontational people who i knew nothing about. But there is part of me that thrives on that crisis intervention. It's always difficult to assess whether the easiest situation would be just to call the police or to deal with the situation yourself. Ultimately my decision in the end was down to my respecting people......i mean i knew that eventually the homeless guy would leave as long as i gave him the time to listen to his story. The other two guys i wasn't so sure of but they never behaved in a manner that warranted calling the police. Others might disagree and say that i put myself at risk......but i suppose the term 'risk' identifies a situation that people won't go into and at times most people wont even talk to a homeless person. You'll never catch me sky-diving but I'll always be prepared to work with the people who others might not because that's the risk i enjoy.

two posts in a row not a common thing

I'm covering for Hannah the greatest administrator in the world (she told me to write that) at the moment and this has provided me with prime time to Blog. I was on the bus earlier and this homeless guy came on. You might ask...how did i know he was homeless? Well, he smelt homeless and he had a big bag which looked like it had his life's contents in it. He was very pleasant. As he had attempted to get on the bus another man walked in front of him and he kindly stepped aside to let him on. As he walked along the bus he was smiling and he seemed very content. I have found that in London many of the homeless people I've worked with are quite content to be homeless. Something someone with a home will never understand but i imagine that homeless people begin to enjoy the process of living for what that day brings. Anyway, this guy on the bus pulled out a bottle of lilt....it was new because of the fizz when he opened it. He took one long drink and then lifted the bottle into the air and toasted himself. Now i found that totally fascinating. It was like he had earned that bottle of lilt or that he was really enjoying the taste of a nice drink. For people who live with the constant supply of nice juice it might be a strange concept that a bottle of lilt could be so satisfying but this man was really enjoying it. When i think about it, i appreciate food more this year than i ever have. Living in London on very little money has been a huge challenge but it's made me appreciate the smaller things much more. I'm certainly not homeless or without the support of caring people but in some ways i can empathise with the guy on the bus. The bottle of lilt is a treat.....daily i have to think about how buying a can of coke will influence the money i have for other things.....
that may sound crazy but a coke is a treat and i feel proud to say that....

Now I'm off to lunch at the Ritz.....caviar anyone?

over and over and over... like a monkey with minature symbols

I realised a long time ago that the kids here are hard to please.....in the past i thought it was about me not understanding the kids but now i realise that they are just difficult to please. However, i love the journey of identifying 'what works' - trying different things in an attempt to find the solution. On Sunday i had to leads kids church (zooped up Sunday School) where the leaders have had real difficulties engaging the kids. To give you an idea of the difficulty - there was a fight last week where one boy just started punching another. I had always felt that i could really affect the kids mood by changing the environment and so i decided to take all the tables and chairs out the room. I then shut all the curtains and put coloured lights in to create a 'cool' atmosphere. I placed cushions on the floor where i hoped the kids would come and chill out. I covered the floor space that was left in paper and put on some music.

The result was incredible....the kids totally relaxed. We played a few games to get their energy out and spent the rest of the morning drawing on the floor. I asked them to do three things: 1) draw the place where they feel the happiest 2) draw the place where they feel most unhappy and 3) to draw their favourite creation. This totally clicked in with their busy imaginations and apart from a few complaints about the music they happily drew and chatted away. We ended the session by eating maltesers and dancing. As the kids left i couldn't believe how well the session had gone. In fact it was perhaps the first time i had felt truly satisfied with the results of a session i had run. So often I've tried different methods of engaging the people we work with and often it's seemed as if we've failed. But on this one occasion i had got it right and i think that shows me how important it is too keep things fresh. In a sense there isn't a certain thing that works but the term 'what works' relates to the ongoing process of locating things that do work. Very often when you do find something that worked the challenge will be to build on it because kids (especially) crave something new and exciting. Doing the thing 'that worked' over and over wont always be successful......

voluntarily volunteering to stop

You would think that volunteering would be easy.....work when you want, take a random day off if you feel like it. After all your not getting paid! It's just not the case here. We work like normal employees who work more hours than normal workers. I've never sat down to do it but i'm sure i work on average a twelve hour day. We've just finished kids club and I'm genuinely finished. Emotionally, physically and mentally. I feel like i couldn't do another kids club again but then tomorrow arrives and something strange happens. I feel re-motivated by some unknown energy. It's happened all year.

every piece of work i have done here has been about the toughest thing I've ever done. Kids who's instantaneous reaction is to anything is cry.....kids who talk of their future in gangs..adults who cry because of the difficulties facing them and their families because gangs terrorize their neighborhoods...passing homeless people asleep in the middle of the pavement because they can't access a bed for the night. The need destroys me. I can't meet it all and i can't really deal with it all emotionally. Last night i walked home past a man asleep on a pile of clothes beside a clothing bank. This is in Brixton one of the most dangerous boroughs in London. The chances are high of being mugged on the way home let alone the chances of being attacked whilst asleep on a pavement. The next morning on my way to work i passed the same man still asleep on the pavement....was he dead i thought? but who in London would stop to check. I didn't!

My mum will be glad to hear me utter the words i think I'm working too hard. I've done it all year and incredibly I've continued to work hard even when i didn't have the basic supports in place. I suppose the idea of a frontline gap year is too push you well out of your comfort zone so that when you reflect on it there is significant personal change. What worries me is my future and that on the 5th August on the train back to Scotland my mental state is going to actually reveal to me the extent of the damage done. I suppose stepping out of your comfort zone can be both flourishing and damaging. Flourishing if you've got the wisdom to see your limits and damaging if you push yourself too far. This feeling is the result of four weeks where the church has relied solely on it's volunteers and running a church that's open six days a week is not easy.

This Blog is me voicing an honest refection of how i actually feel in this moment. I don't Blog often because it takes too much energy at the end of a very long day. Tomorrow I'll feel different and my tendency would be to blog a more positive comment. Also, i don't write these things to be lost. I'll be sure to voice my feelings to the people who manage me. So a final story from today. Warm sunny day cafe buzzing....in walks one of our resident homeless men. His name is peace. Throws up all over the floor.........

The attack of the pegs

It's not often that hanging out the washing turns nasty but on this day it did. There i was just putting out my clean clothes to dry when one of the pegs threw itself at my face. I squealed in pain and Sam my Brighton born colleague came running out and was also attacked by several pegs. One hitting him right in the eye. Blinded by this attack the pegs took over and what you see in these photos is the results. The attack was both unexpected and cheeky. I'll never approach hanging out the washing in the same way again......

Financially challenged

One of the privileges of my job is working in our coffee shop. It's the open door to the community and most of the time the first contact we have with people we'll go on to support. Up until today i had never done a full shift in the coffee shop. Normally i only manage to squeeze a half day into my weekly schedule but this week our volunteer shortages meant i had to do a full day. People are always intrigued by an open church (probably because most churches always look closed) and this means that we attract a diverse range of visitors. The church is also on the way to the Imperial War Museum and so we get a lot of tourists dropping in, either to ask for directions or to enquire why in fact the church is open. We have our regulars who worry about the growth of the cafe...They like the quietness and get concerned that their secret hideout will be discovered by those they try to escape. We have the homeless who drop in for a free coffee, a trip to the toilet and a chat. The Cafe is also very popular with the Oasis staff and it's a really good way for us to socialise informally.

I love the process of making coffee. Grinding the beans and then the smell as the coffee pours into the cup. Steaming the milk....and pouring it so that the froth is left until the end. Then watching the milk and coffee combine to form a pattern. I also like it how willing people are to talk in the coffee shop. I have never witnessed a customer come into the coffee shop and been treated only as a customer. We love our coffee but we love people more! The people in the coffee shop respond to the way we ask questions and serve with a smile (not a cheesy one but a friendly one).....they come back. We call customers by their names, we ask them about their work and their families. It's like a coffee shop and a support agency in one. I worry that this is coming across as if Church.co.uk is the perfect church. Far from it, such a thing doesn't exist! We have our weaknesses but i think we're doing something right through the coffee shop.

I was standing serving a group of kids and carers when Rachel my fellow volunteer came and told me there was a man here to see me. I handed over the order to her and made my way over to the guy. He introduced himself (he was Irish) and we quickly established common ground about being Celtic. He told me he was going to tell me something and asked if i would not judge him for it. He asked if he could speak to me in confidence and then quickly followed that question up by telling me he wasn't in trouble. This stopped me from giving the confidentiality policy talk to him and urged him to tell me what the issue was. He got round to explaining that he had had his van clamped on the New Kent Road and that he needed £24 (to add to the £61 he already had) to have it unclamped. He would have to do it today or he would face being charged £250 tomorrow. He came across as very genuine and i really did feel like he was telling the truth. But i feel as time goes on i become more assured in these situations and can ask questions that in the past i may have gone to get my manager to do. Part of me did believe him but i needed to test his story because i just couldn't be sure. In a politely put way i asked if he had his van keys with him.....that took him aback a little and he explained that they were with his colleague sitting in the van. It was like a game. My sceptical experience of people asking for money playing up against my gut feeling about this genuine case of need. I then asked in the instance that i got the money whether i could take a walk back to his van with him.....to back myself up i talked about the previous occasions where we had given people bus tickets etc and i had gone with them to buy it. That question was too far for him and began to accuse me of judging him. He told me i was a bad christian and that i was not willing to trust in God the way he had trusted in God when he was guided into the church. I explained that i really wanted to help but because of our limited finances i would need to see the situation myself. On that note he stood up and told me that he would speak to his home church about me and he was sure they would be very disappointed. He told me that i was an immature christian and had a lot of growing to do. Instead of arguing my case i decided to apologise that i couldn't help him and was sorry that he felt that way about me. He left the church mumbling under his breath.....i returned to my coffee making duties.

Now. I have two feelings about that situation. One is of great victory where i foiled the plan of a man looking to cheat money out of a church. The other thought is of disappointment with a system that is full of people who lie their way into being supported. When i started working with the Salvation Army i was a naive young man willing to believe any crisis story. By the end of my time working with the homeless i was sceptical because of the people who had abused my trust. However, i decided not to call myself sceptical as this was a really negative frame of mind and instead decided i would be appropriately questioning. But what if that man was telling the truth?..... was it a coincidence that he forgot his bank cards? left his keys with his young colleague? Asked not to see the the senior minister but just a normal christian? That man left the building either more frustrated with a society that doesn't trust or angry because he was outsmarted by what appeared to be a engagingly naive young man......Would you have given him the money?

On the Frontline.....now and then

We are so short staffed here just now....Dave Steell my boss and senior minister of Church.co.uk is currently leading a team in Uganda. Pete Brierley my boss and youth and community pastor is on holiday in America. Tim Broadbent who coaches the football programme alongside me is away in Zimbabwe talking about our football project. Andy Flannigan the worship leader and personal mentor is also in Uganda and Jill Rowe the Oasis Frontline Director is on holiday. We are thin on the ground in terms of experienced staff. In fact we're thin on the ground in terms of staff over 25.

On Sunday the service was lead by Hannah Li, aged 23, the Church administrator. Worship led by Dan Nolloth, age 23, the church caretaker. Finally Andrew Nelson, age 23 was the speaker for the service. So as you can see the magic number was 23....quite literally the church congregation was left in the potentially capable hands of three 23 year olds. And how did we do? Well the feedback was great. I was told that i didn't come across as if i was preaching at Church.co for the first time....an old pro was another comment. What was great was that many of the people who've started coming along to church because of the many programs we run throughout the week were the first to speak to me afterwards. I did worry before hand that my message would not be relevant to someone new to the church.

Once it was over it felt as if I'd conquered a huge milestone....perhaps now i can retire i thought to myself. But no, Bank Holiday Monday offered well required rest and Tuesday was a clump of mixed tasks. In the absence of the senior minister I'm dealing with the people we support. One after the other i met with people in the morning then it was straight into school to mentor Oliver twist and then straight back to lead 8-12 year olds football. After the fighting mass of fighting and crying (and that's just the leaders) that resembles football coaching i arrived back to the Church to help out at the launch of Danny Smith's new book 'Slavery now and then'. Natasha Bedingfields mum was there and i considered making a comment to her about how much i admired her daughter.....but you'll be sad to know i didn't. At 11:15pm the event was cleared up and over....at last i could make my way back to Brixton.

That's a long day and today started again at 9am but before when i used to really struggle with the long days i now find them easier. But that's due to a greater comfort with London, the better weather, the lighter nights and a passion for my work. Not that i didn't enjoy work before but everything becomes easier when you feel at home. Scotland is home but London feels more like home. It's like when a footballer starts playing for a new club. It takes theme time to settle in before you will begin to see their best form. I don't think that's anything to do with their ability it's about a frame of mind that in turn affects the way they play

preaching a nervous encouragement

A week gone without one Blog....poor show on my part. The reason for my written absence is nerves as this Sunday i have been asked to preach/speak at the main service. An honour i never thought I'd get and an honour that makes me very nervous. Mentally I've been preparing for it all week but practically only today have i had time to sit down and really flesh out what it is i will say.

Worst case scenario is that i commit heresy in front of the congregation and never get asked to speak again. Best case scenario is that i do well and share the glory of having spread a strong practical message - therefore furthering God's kingdom. I will also have the honour of having preached on the same stage as Steve Chalke, Tony Blair and the Bishop of Durham.

Beneath the nerves i am excited by this opportunity.

A Birthday to remember.....

I'm well aware that my Blog is a mass of confused thoughts and that when i look back on it I'll realise how I've contradicted myself. But i think that contradiction is great thing....I've been completely honest in this Blog and therefore the people reading have been given an opportunity to share in my journey....i hope that it may have also ignited some reflection in people. Blogs will be read by people who you never meet and it's wonderful to think that in some way they might relate to what is being said. I believe an honest Blog is one that will connect with people and that is why I'm going to offer this confession......

Monday 23rd April, a training day for me where my team we're being taught how to teach sex education in Schools. This was a great opportunity for reflecting on teenage crisis and in some way trying to re-connect ourselves with being thirteen. (not quite sure why i started on about this topic - not really sure how to get out of it).......On Monday evenings i make a fifty minute journey up to Essex to help plant an Oasis youth club. As i got ready to leave for Enfield (Essex) i received a text from my sister: "Andrew, have you forgotten something?".....it suddenly hit me that her birthday was the 24th April (the next day) and i had totally forgotten. I text back quickly: "No I've not forgotten. It;s your birthday tomorrow!". Cat replied: "Andrew you dope, my birthday is today!". For the first time in twenty years (rough estimate) i had forgotten my sisters birthday and i felt terrible. Especially since Cat is always so good at remembering my birthday....in fact Cat always buys me the best gifts.

I never want this Blog to appear as me sitting on my 'good boy' pedestal writing about the perfect church and world changing work. The reality is that my family mean more to me than anything I've ever written in this Blog. To have become so detached that i forgot my sisters Birthday bothers me a lot. Daily i act as a role model for young people and daily i consider how to have a more positive impact on the community i work within....However, if i could only impact one area of the community i would impact families. To appreciate one another by remembering their birthdays, using and practicing love as a natural daily thing. I have no doubt that the struggle existing within communities is partly down to family breakdown.....

Apologies Cat.

feeling accepted in church....is this a common thing?

One of the favourite parts of my job is meeting new people who come along to the church. Mostly we find that the people interested in what we do are people who have had a negative experience of church and have taken time out to reflect on what to do next.....over the last two weekends I've been getting to know a couple who are really unsure about church as they've had many an unhappy experience. I'll call them Harold and Madge for the purposes of confidentiality and they are truly great people. Harold would class himself as an atheist and Madge has grown up in a christian family attending church all her life. Despite their difference in belief they are very much in love and it's great to be around them.

They have been worried how churches would react to their relationship and therefore not attended. Isn't it awful that people would be worried about attending a church because of how they will be judged....when they heard about church.co.uk they decided to attend aware of our inclusive ethos. I think we sometimes underestimate how much it means to people when they are accepted for who they are. Harold in the two weeks he has attended 'head space' our evening service has become really encouraged by the idea of church. He likes the idea of a church community that is more concerned with supporting each other practically, rather than one that only teaches the bible. Our approach in head space is to reach out to all people and as a result we've developed a service that allows people time to reflect on their lives and how they can make more time for themselves and others.

I feel so encouraged that Harold, Madge and others have found a place where they can be comfortable with who they are....in society we are always conforming to demands but in church we should be able to come as we are and feel fine about that. This is called being 'inclusive' it's challenging because when people come as they are they smell, they swear, their drunk.....they cry. As a people are we willing to include people like this into our groups? Right now it's easier for me because it's my job to be inclusive. I hope that after the job is over i will continue to be inclusive and accepting of people. There has been discussion between me and my boss that after this year i will struggle to find another church. The struggle will exist because there are small number of churches in the country who are similar to Church.co.uk.....i hope this changes. If you want to read more about what inclusive church looks like then read "the intelligent church" by Steve Chalke. A great book which is truly inspiring for Christians and non-Christians alike.

caring for a number needing more care than i can give

It's sprummer (a word made up of spring and summer) in London. I've noticed a change in the people, their happier. I wonder whether London sits dormant during winter anticipating the burst of summer. In the space of a few weeks my attitude towards this place has changed. After work we go to Bishops park and play football with some of the young people. There is talk of barbecues and drinking cold beer in the garden.....The youth work I'm doing has taken on a different shape in that we can now make use of the outdoors. No longer are our resources subject to what we can do in a church sports hall. Now we can take groups of kids to the park to play softball and football. Throughout winter parks looked dull disused spaces but now the parks are coming to life with groups of people engaging in sporting activities.

At Kids Hub (kids club) yesterday we took the young people to the park for the first time this year. It was a great idea because in the space we could allow them freedom to enjoy themselves. In a building there are so many restrictions, especially for kids where electrical equipment, stairs, kitchens etc pose such a hazard. Most of the boys opted to play football at the park and so a game of 'no out of play' jumpers for goals football ensued. I takes me back to watch fifteen boys cluster around one ball all battling for possession (even if their on the same team). It also make me laugh to watch the game use up so much space. No matter where the girls played soft ball the boys would end up running onto their turf. With a lack of sidelines the game has a flowing freedom but also a frustrating disorganisation. Sadly, during the football an argument erupted between two of the boys and i stepped in to stop it. However, the result of my intervention was that one of the boys turned on me and began to tell me to get out of his face (this was coming from an 11year old).....I 'got out of his space' quickly and my team mate stepped in. It was a really negative experience for me because he explained to my team mate that he felt i was always on his back and he really didn't want to be around me. What also affected me was the way he was speaking. He sounded more like an adult in the sense that he was telling me to get away before he did something bad. I didn't feel worried for my safety but I'm not totally comfortable with conflict and didn't have the opportunity to put the situation right. I think he's a great kid but he does misbehave a lot and so as a leader i feel a responsibility to step in. Maybe it's been a good learning experience for me because being a leader means that you will be asked to deal with conflict. At the de-brief session afterwards me and my team discussed his behaviour and we discovered that his mum and dad had split up in recent weeks.....

We don't have the benefit of background information at Kids Hub, which means that we often treat kids as a group and not individual cases. I would not be lying if i said that most of the kids at our club exist in a mass of poverty, social exclusion and family breakdown. It is so difficult to find the balance between caring and disciplining problematic behaviour. All year I've been trying to adjust my approach to enable me to make the young people feel cared for and at the same time aware that there are behavioural rules they most follow. So difficult..... I remembered something the other day that i learned in University. We were taught to approach every young person with the mindset that they could be coming from any number of difficult situations. Again this is difficult and for the most part i think I'm consistent with this approach. However, there are times when forty kids is a number to great.....more volunteers would help!

rediscovery as a continued theme

So back in London after two weeks away I'm feeling fresh and energised....i spent the first of my weeks on holiday in Scotland and the second of my weeks working at Spring Harvest (t-in-the-park for Christians) in Skegness. Last week at Springy i began to long for London and my work...i longed for the kids, the families and my workmates. The festival is filled with inspiring christian speakers and i really enjoyed the input as a way of recharging my batteries. However, it also brought me back to a place i had been before. A place where i felt overloaded with input and not being able to transfer that into output. So now back in London i feel really keen to work on. I feel a sense of direction that i haven't felt for a while. It's almost as if i re-discovered why i want to work with people and why i chose to follow this path to fight social justice (i don't think i ever lost it but you know....rediscovered direction)

It was encouraging to work with young people at Springy who were really hungry to change the world. It reminded me of what it was like to be 18 and just realising for the first time that life outside of education was a wealth of opportunities to have a practical influence on the world....anyway I'm writing this during working hours and i don't consider it work so i should stop. I think I've RE-realised that it's important to have a focus in your work. I feel really passionate about a lot of things but i want to have a clarity throughout my social action....i like seeing people fulfil their potential and it disappoints me when people aren't aware of the opportunities available to them...

Sorry mate you cant come in this way.....oh yes i can i've got a press pass

Sunday night was the 'voice of slavery' gig in Kentish Town. Stop the Traffik (part of Oasis) were involved and i decided to go along to help. I've never arrived at a gig two hours early but it was brilliant..... The headline act for the night were Razorlight and i arrived just in time to see them soundcheck. After this i was employed in the task of setting up the Stop the Traffik stand and putting on a Stop the Traffik t-shirt....the latter being the most challenging (it's not always cool to wear skinny t-shirts and being at a gig i felt it essential to still look a little cool). As the punters began to arrive i handed out fliers and asked people to sign declaration cards. Stop the Traffik hopes to have 1million signatures by September to take to the EU and so having everyone at the gig sign up was essential.

The other part of my work that night was to sell key rings priced at £1. This i found really difficult because i didn't like bothering people when they were either chatting or watching a band. In fact i got some very angry looks at the beginning of the night from people obviously feeling they had spent enough on the £25 without being pushed into buying a keyring they might never use. However, this changed as people's attitudes softened and the beer flowed.....

After about two hours i was waiting at the stand as I watched one of my colleagues tip two hundred pounds worth of keyring sales onto the table.....i asked him his tactics (i felt seriously challenged by his sales) and he explained that he just asked everyone if they wanted a keyring! Inspired by his 'let's stop slavery approach' i started out afresh with my bag of key rings and headed for the VIP area. The VIP area was different to the punters area in that it was less crowded and far quieter. This created a good temperature for discussion and i felt confident that my communications skills would be best used in the VIP area. Indeed i was correct and i worked the room talking about Stop The Traffik, the abolishment of slavery and dress styles. I was very quickly selling most of my key rings and engaging people in the whole abolishing slavery thing (most people had come along to see razorlight, Finlay quay and supergrass). During one conversation and sign the declaration card session the girl i was standing with screamed "it's Finaly Quay" and pushed me over to him. I stuck out the signature form and he politely signed it. From this point on i was now the Stop The Traffik volunteer who had collected Finlay Quays autograph.....people all round had seen me meet Finlay and i was crowded by people desperate to sign the declaration form and also see if he had actually signed it.

I watched Razorlight from the VIP area play one of the best sets i've ever seen. I then rushed downstairs to stand at the door as people left in an attempt to promote Stop the Traffik one last time. Once everyone had left the building i stood outside with the people awaiting taxi's in the hope that i might sell a few more keys. Eventually i accepted that no more key rings would be sold and i returned inside to clear up. During the clear up process it was so exciting to be allowed backstage and to see razorlight standing a few yards away. It was such a great opportunity and one that i imagine i would only get in London. Being with Oasis has opened up a lot of doors for me and i will always remember that. However, i was very aware of one thing during the gig and that was how distant Christianity seemed from the whole event.....Steve Chalke bravely took to the stage after one of the bands to speak about Stop the Traffik and i felt for him as delivered a perfect message to the wrong audience (is that because Christians don't always exist within this audience?). His discussion would have been relevant in any church but not in a gig venue in front of hundreds awaiting to see popular bands play. I was just very aware at that time of the gap between the christian outreach and non-Christians. Sadly the christian world doesn't have a razorlight!!

Staying on in London with Oasis would present me with many fantastic opportunities. However, at the same time i know i would struggle to exist within a christian bubble. I hope this doesn't come across as a criticism because it's not. I love Oasis and in the future would love to work for them but for now i see no point in being a spiritual young man existing inside an already spiritual environment....i think that Jesus might agree.

so who are.....? i'm a church volunteer!

I'm doing this really exciting piece of family work at the moment which I'm really enjoying. I'm enjoying being involved in a crisis situation. That might sound strange enjoying somebody else's crisis but it's the buzz that i enjoy most about people work. I really like the communication between different workers and piecing together how we can improve this families situation. Obviously i can't go into much detail about the circumstances because of confidentiality but i can say that this family has been victim to gang crime and have decided to leave their council home. This has led to many issues for them, namely the threat of being classed as intentionally homeless. If this happens they would certainly struggle to find housing in the future.

Because of a gang related incident one of the children is now in hospital. I had arranged to meet the mother in the hospital to discuss the options available to her. The walk to the destination went well and i was very impressed with how quickly the green man appeared as i waited to cross roads. Inside the hospital i was also successful at navigating my way to the Children's ward. However, once there i found some obstacles. Two women were sat at the security desk and neither of them possessed welcoming smiles. As i approached the desk i felt neither confident or very able to describe why i was in fact there. As i explained who i wanted to see both women continued to give me a blank unimpressed look. After my introduction one of them asked if i had the patients date of birth and i said 'no'. This wasn't a piece of information I'd asked the mother for. Had the women asked, i could have told them the patients address or surname but without the date of birth it seemed i was going no where. I tried to pull out the trust me I'm a nice young man with a nice smile and nice accent card but again i was greeted with secure looking security staff faces. I was beginning to feel really worried because it looked more and more certain that i wouldn't be allowed in and therefore i would be breaking my commitment of meeting the mother (although i do it, i hate letting people down....especially blow up people). I decided as a last ditch attempt to convince the guards of my genuine position i would call the mother. However, her phone was engaged and i was quickly asked to leave and next time to arrive with the appropriate and essential information.

On leaving the hospital i considered my position. I mean, to the security staff i was just a community centre worker.....i had no position of authority or declared responsibility. This i felt was very frustrating because if i was approaching the same situation as a positioned social worker i probably wouldn't have the same problems. I would have an identification card, a smart bag and probably the confidence of being an established family support worker. Instead i was a twenty three year old male, dressed casually and looking very out of his depth (when i reality wasn't) because i didn't feel confident about my role. I love the Church i work for and it's ethos but the part of work I'm trying to establish (advocacy and support) is a tough challenge because currently i have no professional authority. Some might say that this kind of authority is irrelevant if you care but i don't think care alone is enough....in order to find out certain information you need to be someone who's title speaks for itself. I'm sure that people's perception of me changes once we've chatted but at first glance they must think how can this young church worker have any relevant involvement in a Caribbean family's life. I've had this discussion with people throughout my years of people work and still feel that once i have a few grey hairs I'll be more accepted in this people work environment. My role now is to show that despite my few years experience i care a whole lot about the welfare of people in this world and my feeling that this passion entitles me to be where i am. It may be that in years to come my passion is substituted for my experience....I hope not.

On my way home i received a call from the mother explaining that in fact she had not been in the hospital when we had arranged to meet!

Brixton is a great place.....in the morning!

I always get worried about my trek home to Brixton at night.....Throughout my whole time living there i have witnessed little of the horror stories that have embedded themselves into my head. Daily i am offered drugs and the Police presence often makes you think that something has happened. (just to clarify i have rejected all offers of drugs!). When we first arrived in Brixton there was a sign at the end of the street asking for evidence regards a fatal stabbing but since then i have not heard of anything. No matter how much time i exist in safety i will always be affected by the fairy tales that are attached to Brixton. Fairy tales of gang riots, muggings and shootings.....The reality is that the crime exists within gang circles and the muggings happen as often as in any other city. If your stupid enough to walk home through brixton at 3am then you may be mugged......Despite my safety I don't think i'll ever feel truly comfortable in Brixton!

However, in the Morning Brixton is just buzzing with activity.....i really like leaving the house to join the other ten thousand people heading into the centre of London. At the Bus Stop i await the number 59 and watch as a continuous line of people walks past me. It was only this morning that it really struck me how difficult it was to get from one side of the pavement to the other. My team-mate Steve was standing on the other side of the pavement and in order to get to him i had to time my move to perfection. In order to dodge the next person i had to be sharp, silky and a little cheeky. People were flying by at an incredible rate (faster than the average 5mph for a walking person) obviously focused on their journey to work. I noticed a gap in the line of people traffic and made a move......out of no where a pram appeared (yes, without a parental driver) and i was forced back into my position. Undefeated i steadied myself to make another move across the pavement and next time was more successful. So overcome with my achievement that i hugged Steve and he hugged me.....we had done it!

Although a little dramatic the above highlights one of my biggest frustrations about London. How i long for days where i can walk or cycle to work.....oh and if you get a chance to see the film 'freedom writers' do it. I took my Oliver twist esc mentee to see it today and it was great. Educational yet inspiring.

Frontline for 18 -25 year olds.....oh and the odd fifty year old

Please do not let this most recent post distract from the one I've just written below but I'd like to point out my latest media appearance. If you visit www.oasistrust.org you'll see that a 50yr old looking Andrew Nelson has made it onto the front page advertising Frontline UK.

It's certainly not my greatest picture that i agree........

Living for today.....

This whole Gap year thing is strange because there are such distinct stages. You start and it's difficult adjusting to a new environment but eventually you become settled. Then you begin to work hard and perform well but by the time you've got to here it's time to prepare yourself for moving on. This is how the year has felt to me. As time goes on i feel more and more comfortable in London but more and more anxious about my future.

On Sunday we were discussing the concept of living for today. Does anyone ever live for that day alone and nothing else? Dave (senior minister) used the example of people going on Holiday to aid our understanding. He explained how people always say "but, we're going on holiday in July" indicating that they're looking forward to going on holiday. This is fine but it suggests that the here and now is miserable. I feel as guilty of this as anyone. In fact i constantly think about the future because i like to feel in control of whats ahead. However, I'm very aware that this stops me from enjoying some days for what they are. It stops me from embracing every day spent in London so that i don't reflect on it years later and think about how i should have appreciated it more. The days when I'm content and enjoying life as it comes are rare because constantly I'm reminded of the future by other people. I realise that it's just part of life but how wonderful would it be if there was a wider acceptance in society of today and what that brings.

It was also discussed that people too often dwell on the past and how good things were. But in reality the past is only good because we block out all the negatives and only remember the positives. I know for a fact in five years i will only remember this year for diverse London, great people, great food, culturally engaged church and not the times i have struggled. In Social Work i was taught about Solution Focused Brief Therapy where people going through the therapy are encouraged to focus on the future. It is considered that the past although important is a reminder of how things were and exists as a negative influence. Whereas, the future is unwritten and people are asked to think of their issues only in a future sense. It is felt that this helps people to overcome their problems in a more positive way.

Dave used a really useful analogy to help us think about living in today. He talked about teaching his son to ride a bike and how frustrating it had been for months to see him make no progress. But suddenly on Saturday it had just clicked and he could now ride a bike without any assistance. One of things his son had struggled to realise whilst learning was that he had to keep pedalling. If he stopped pedalling he'd fall. If he looked back on the bike (checking to see if his dad was still holding on to him) whilst pedalling he also fell over. However, when he began to look forward and pedal hard he found that he could ride the bike. The future is only meaningful when we've enjoyed the journey to get there. If we don't pedal today then we'll always be living for the future and that holiday that's three months away. This is something I'm really gonna focus on in order to really squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of this year because because before i know it it'll be over!

TV Appearance

Yesterday i had the priveledge to make my first national tv apearance. The heaven and earth show is on BBC1 at 10am on Sunday. I'm an extra in an interview with Malcolm Duncan from Faithworks. Faithworks is part of Oasis and they were doing some filming in the centre. It just so happened that i was working in the coffee shop when the filming took place and they asked me to sit in the background....

Please check it out

No picture of inky face but one of my weekend in Suffolk....

See if you can guess which one i am....here's a clue i'm wearing green!