I'm covering for Hannah the greatest administrator in the world (she told me to write that) at the moment and this has provided me with prime time to Blog. I was on the bus earlier and this homeless guy came on. You might ask...how did i know he was homeless? Well, he smelt homeless and he had a big bag which looked like it had his life's contents in it. He was very pleasant. As he had attempted to get on the bus another man walked in front of him and he kindly stepped aside to let him on. As he walked along the bus he was smiling and he seemed very content. I have found that in London many of the homeless people I've worked with are quite content to be homeless. Something someone with a home will never understand but i imagine that homeless people begin to enjoy the process of living for what that day brings. Anyway, this guy on the bus pulled out a bottle of lilt....it was new because of the fizz when he opened it. He took one long drink and then lifted the bottle into the air and toasted himself. Now i found that totally fascinating. It was like he had earned that bottle of lilt or that he was really enjoying the taste of a nice drink. For people who live with the constant supply of nice juice it might be a strange concept that a bottle of lilt could be so satisfying but this man was really enjoying it. When i think about it, i appreciate food more this year than i ever have. Living in London on very little money has been a huge challenge but it's made me appreciate the smaller things much more. I'm certainly not homeless or without the support of caring people but in some ways i can empathise with the guy on the bus. The bottle of lilt is a treat.....daily i have to think about how buying a can of coke will influence the money i have for other things.....
that may sound crazy but a coke is a treat and i feel proud to say that....
Now I'm off to lunch at the Ritz.....caviar anyone?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
over and over and over... like a monkey with minature symbols
I realised a long time ago that the kids here are hard to please.....in the past i thought it was about me not understanding the kids but now i realise that they are just difficult to please. However, i love the journey of identifying 'what works' - trying different things in an attempt to find the solution. On Sunday i had to leads kids church (zooped up Sunday School) where the leaders have had real difficulties engaging the kids. To give you an idea of the difficulty - there was a fight last week where one boy just started punching another. I had always felt that i could really affect the kids mood by changing the environment and so i decided to take all the tables and chairs out the room. I then shut all the curtains and put coloured lights in to create a 'cool' atmosphere. I placed cushions on the floor where i hoped the kids would come and chill out. I covered the floor space that was left in paper and put on some music.
The result was incredible....the kids totally relaxed. We played a few games to get their energy out and spent the rest of the morning drawing on the floor. I asked them to do three things: 1) draw the place where they feel the happiest 2) draw the place where they feel most unhappy and 3) to draw their favourite creation. This totally clicked in with their busy imaginations and apart from a few complaints about the music they happily drew and chatted away. We ended the session by eating maltesers and dancing. As the kids left i couldn't believe how well the session had gone. In fact it was perhaps the first time i had felt truly satisfied with the results of a session i had run. So often I've tried different methods of engaging the people we work with and often it's seemed as if we've failed. But on this one occasion i had got it right and i think that shows me how important it is too keep things fresh. In a sense there isn't a certain thing that works but the term 'what works' relates to the ongoing process of locating things that do work. Very often when you do find something that worked the challenge will be to build on it because kids (especially) crave something new and exciting. Doing the thing 'that worked' over and over wont always be successful......
The result was incredible....the kids totally relaxed. We played a few games to get their energy out and spent the rest of the morning drawing on the floor. I asked them to do three things: 1) draw the place where they feel the happiest 2) draw the place where they feel most unhappy and 3) to draw their favourite creation. This totally clicked in with their busy imaginations and apart from a few complaints about the music they happily drew and chatted away. We ended the session by eating maltesers and dancing. As the kids left i couldn't believe how well the session had gone. In fact it was perhaps the first time i had felt truly satisfied with the results of a session i had run. So often I've tried different methods of engaging the people we work with and often it's seemed as if we've failed. But on this one occasion i had got it right and i think that shows me how important it is too keep things fresh. In a sense there isn't a certain thing that works but the term 'what works' relates to the ongoing process of locating things that do work. Very often when you do find something that worked the challenge will be to build on it because kids (especially) crave something new and exciting. Doing the thing 'that worked' over and over wont always be successful......
Monday, May 21, 2007
voluntarily volunteering to stop
You would think that volunteering would be easy.....work when you want, take a random day off if you feel like it. After all your not getting paid! It's just not the case here. We work like normal employees who work more hours than normal workers. I've never sat down to do it but i'm sure i work on average a twelve hour day. We've just finished kids club and I'm genuinely finished. Emotionally, physically and mentally. I feel like i couldn't do another kids club again but then tomorrow arrives and something strange happens. I feel re-motivated by some unknown energy. It's happened all year.
every piece of work i have done here has been about the toughest thing I've ever done. Kids who's instantaneous reaction is to anything is cry.....kids who talk of their future in gangs..adults who cry because of the difficulties facing them and their families because gangs terrorize their neighborhoods...passing homeless people asleep in the middle of the pavement because they can't access a bed for the night. The need destroys me. I can't meet it all and i can't really deal with it all emotionally. Last night i walked home past a man asleep on a pile of clothes beside a clothing bank. This is in Brixton one of the most dangerous boroughs in London. The chances are high of being mugged on the way home let alone the chances of being attacked whilst asleep on a pavement. The next morning on my way to work i passed the same man still asleep on the pavement....was he dead i thought? but who in London would stop to check. I didn't!
My mum will be glad to hear me utter the words i think I'm working too hard. I've done it all year and incredibly I've continued to work hard even when i didn't have the basic supports in place. I suppose the idea of a frontline gap year is too push you well out of your comfort zone so that when you reflect on it there is significant personal change. What worries me is my future and that on the 5th August on the train back to Scotland my mental state is going to actually reveal to me the extent of the damage done. I suppose stepping out of your comfort zone can be both flourishing and damaging. Flourishing if you've got the wisdom to see your limits and damaging if you push yourself too far. This feeling is the result of four weeks where the church has relied solely on it's volunteers and running a church that's open six days a week is not easy.
This Blog is me voicing an honest refection of how i actually feel in this moment. I don't Blog often because it takes too much energy at the end of a very long day. Tomorrow I'll feel different and my tendency would be to blog a more positive comment. Also, i don't write these things to be lost. I'll be sure to voice my feelings to the people who manage me. So a final story from today. Warm sunny day cafe buzzing....in walks one of our resident homeless men. His name is peace. Throws up all over the floor.........
every piece of work i have done here has been about the toughest thing I've ever done. Kids who's instantaneous reaction is to anything is cry.....kids who talk of their future in gangs..adults who cry because of the difficulties facing them and their families because gangs terrorize their neighborhoods...passing homeless people asleep in the middle of the pavement because they can't access a bed for the night. The need destroys me. I can't meet it all and i can't really deal with it all emotionally. Last night i walked home past a man asleep on a pile of clothes beside a clothing bank. This is in Brixton one of the most dangerous boroughs in London. The chances are high of being mugged on the way home let alone the chances of being attacked whilst asleep on a pavement. The next morning on my way to work i passed the same man still asleep on the pavement....was he dead i thought? but who in London would stop to check. I didn't!
My mum will be glad to hear me utter the words i think I'm working too hard. I've done it all year and incredibly I've continued to work hard even when i didn't have the basic supports in place. I suppose the idea of a frontline gap year is too push you well out of your comfort zone so that when you reflect on it there is significant personal change. What worries me is my future and that on the 5th August on the train back to Scotland my mental state is going to actually reveal to me the extent of the damage done. I suppose stepping out of your comfort zone can be both flourishing and damaging. Flourishing if you've got the wisdom to see your limits and damaging if you push yourself too far. This feeling is the result of four weeks where the church has relied solely on it's volunteers and running a church that's open six days a week is not easy.
This Blog is me voicing an honest refection of how i actually feel in this moment. I don't Blog often because it takes too much energy at the end of a very long day. Tomorrow I'll feel different and my tendency would be to blog a more positive comment. Also, i don't write these things to be lost. I'll be sure to voice my feelings to the people who manage me. So a final story from today. Warm sunny day cafe buzzing....in walks one of our resident homeless men. His name is peace. Throws up all over the floor.........
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The attack of the pegs
It's not often that hanging out the washing turns nasty but on this day it did. There i was just putting out my clean clothes to dry when one of the pegs threw itself at my face. I squealed in pain and Sam my Brighton born colleague came running out and was also attacked by several pegs. One hitting him right in the eye. Blinded by this attack the pegs took over and what you see in these photos is the results. The attack was both unexpected and cheeky. I'll never approach hanging out the washing in the same way again......
Friday, May 11, 2007
Financially challenged
One of the privileges of my job is working in our coffee shop. It's the open door to the community and most of the time the first contact we have with people we'll go on to support. Up until today i had never done a full shift in the coffee shop. Normally i only manage to squeeze a half day into my weekly schedule but this week our volunteer shortages meant i had to do a full day. People are always intrigued by an open church (probably because most churches always look closed) and this means that we attract a diverse range of visitors. The church is also on the way to the Imperial War Museum and so we get a lot of tourists dropping in, either to ask for directions or to enquire why in fact the church is open. We have our regulars who worry about the growth of the cafe...They like the quietness and get concerned that their secret hideout will be discovered by those they try to escape. We have the homeless who drop in for a free coffee, a trip to the toilet and a chat. The Cafe is also very popular with the Oasis staff and it's a really good way for us to socialise informally.
I love the process of making coffee. Grinding the beans and then the smell as the coffee pours into the cup. Steaming the milk....and pouring it so that the froth is left until the end. Then watching the milk and coffee combine to form a pattern. I also like it how willing people are to talk in the coffee shop. I have never witnessed a customer come into the coffee shop and been treated only as a customer. We love our coffee but we love people more! The people in the coffee shop respond to the way we ask questions and serve with a smile (not a cheesy one but a friendly one).....they come back. We call customers by their names, we ask them about their work and their families. It's like a coffee shop and a support agency in one. I worry that this is coming across as if Church.co.uk is the perfect church. Far from it, such a thing doesn't exist! We have our weaknesses but i think we're doing something right through the coffee shop.
I was standing serving a group of kids and carers when Rachel my fellow volunteer came and told me there was a man here to see me. I handed over the order to her and made my way over to the guy. He introduced himself (he was Irish) and we quickly established common ground about being Celtic. He told me he was going to tell me something and asked if i would not judge him for it. He asked if he could speak to me in confidence and then quickly followed that question up by telling me he wasn't in trouble. This stopped me from giving the confidentiality policy talk to him and urged him to tell me what the issue was. He got round to explaining that he had had his van clamped on the New Kent Road and that he needed £24 (to add to the £61 he already had) to have it unclamped. He would have to do it today or he would face being charged £250 tomorrow. He came across as very genuine and i really did feel like he was telling the truth. But i feel as time goes on i become more assured in these situations and can ask questions that in the past i may have gone to get my manager to do. Part of me did believe him but i needed to test his story because i just couldn't be sure. In a politely put way i asked if he had his van keys with him.....that took him aback a little and he explained that they were with his colleague sitting in the van. It was like a game. My sceptical experience of people asking for money playing up against my gut feeling about this genuine case of need. I then asked in the instance that i got the money whether i could take a walk back to his van with him.....to back myself up i talked about the previous occasions where we had given people bus tickets etc and i had gone with them to buy it. That question was too far for him and began to accuse me of judging him. He told me i was a bad christian and that i was not willing to trust in God the way he had trusted in God when he was guided into the church. I explained that i really wanted to help but because of our limited finances i would need to see the situation myself. On that note he stood up and told me that he would speak to his home church about me and he was sure they would be very disappointed. He told me that i was an immature christian and had a lot of growing to do. Instead of arguing my case i decided to apologise that i couldn't help him and was sorry that he felt that way about me. He left the church mumbling under his breath.....i returned to my coffee making duties.
Now. I have two feelings about that situation. One is of great victory where i foiled the plan of a man looking to cheat money out of a church. The other thought is of disappointment with a system that is full of people who lie their way into being supported. When i started working with the Salvation Army i was a naive young man willing to believe any crisis story. By the end of my time working with the homeless i was sceptical because of the people who had abused my trust. However, i decided not to call myself sceptical as this was a really negative frame of mind and instead decided i would be appropriately questioning. But what if that man was telling the truth?..... was it a coincidence that he forgot his bank cards? left his keys with his young colleague? Asked not to see the the senior minister but just a normal christian? That man left the building either more frustrated with a society that doesn't trust or angry because he was outsmarted by what appeared to be a engagingly naive young man......Would you have given him the money?
I love the process of making coffee. Grinding the beans and then the smell as the coffee pours into the cup. Steaming the milk....and pouring it so that the froth is left until the end. Then watching the milk and coffee combine to form a pattern. I also like it how willing people are to talk in the coffee shop. I have never witnessed a customer come into the coffee shop and been treated only as a customer. We love our coffee but we love people more! The people in the coffee shop respond to the way we ask questions and serve with a smile (not a cheesy one but a friendly one).....they come back. We call customers by their names, we ask them about their work and their families. It's like a coffee shop and a support agency in one. I worry that this is coming across as if Church.co.uk is the perfect church. Far from it, such a thing doesn't exist! We have our weaknesses but i think we're doing something right through the coffee shop.
I was standing serving a group of kids and carers when Rachel my fellow volunteer came and told me there was a man here to see me. I handed over the order to her and made my way over to the guy. He introduced himself (he was Irish) and we quickly established common ground about being Celtic. He told me he was going to tell me something and asked if i would not judge him for it. He asked if he could speak to me in confidence and then quickly followed that question up by telling me he wasn't in trouble. This stopped me from giving the confidentiality policy talk to him and urged him to tell me what the issue was. He got round to explaining that he had had his van clamped on the New Kent Road and that he needed £24 (to add to the £61 he already had) to have it unclamped. He would have to do it today or he would face being charged £250 tomorrow. He came across as very genuine and i really did feel like he was telling the truth. But i feel as time goes on i become more assured in these situations and can ask questions that in the past i may have gone to get my manager to do. Part of me did believe him but i needed to test his story because i just couldn't be sure. In a politely put way i asked if he had his van keys with him.....that took him aback a little and he explained that they were with his colleague sitting in the van. It was like a game. My sceptical experience of people asking for money playing up against my gut feeling about this genuine case of need. I then asked in the instance that i got the money whether i could take a walk back to his van with him.....to back myself up i talked about the previous occasions where we had given people bus tickets etc and i had gone with them to buy it. That question was too far for him and began to accuse me of judging him. He told me i was a bad christian and that i was not willing to trust in God the way he had trusted in God when he was guided into the church. I explained that i really wanted to help but because of our limited finances i would need to see the situation myself. On that note he stood up and told me that he would speak to his home church about me and he was sure they would be very disappointed. He told me that i was an immature christian and had a lot of growing to do. Instead of arguing my case i decided to apologise that i couldn't help him and was sorry that he felt that way about me. He left the church mumbling under his breath.....i returned to my coffee making duties.
Now. I have two feelings about that situation. One is of great victory where i foiled the plan of a man looking to cheat money out of a church. The other thought is of disappointment with a system that is full of people who lie their way into being supported. When i started working with the Salvation Army i was a naive young man willing to believe any crisis story. By the end of my time working with the homeless i was sceptical because of the people who had abused my trust. However, i decided not to call myself sceptical as this was a really negative frame of mind and instead decided i would be appropriately questioning. But what if that man was telling the truth?..... was it a coincidence that he forgot his bank cards? left his keys with his young colleague? Asked not to see the the senior minister but just a normal christian? That man left the building either more frustrated with a society that doesn't trust or angry because he was outsmarted by what appeared to be a engagingly naive young man......Would you have given him the money?
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
On the Frontline.....now and then
We are so short staffed here just now....Dave Steell my boss and senior minister of Church.co.uk is currently leading a team in Uganda. Pete Brierley my boss and youth and community pastor is on holiday in America. Tim Broadbent who coaches the football programme alongside me is away in Zimbabwe talking about our football project. Andy Flannigan the worship leader and personal mentor is also in Uganda and Jill Rowe the Oasis Frontline Director is on holiday. We are thin on the ground in terms of experienced staff. In fact we're thin on the ground in terms of staff over 25.
On Sunday the service was lead by Hannah Li, aged 23, the Church administrator. Worship led by Dan Nolloth, age 23, the church caretaker. Finally Andrew Nelson, age 23 was the speaker for the service. So as you can see the magic number was 23....quite literally the church congregation was left in the potentially capable hands of three 23 year olds. And how did we do? Well the feedback was great. I was told that i didn't come across as if i was preaching at Church.co for the first time....an old pro was another comment. What was great was that many of the people who've started coming along to church because of the many programs we run throughout the week were the first to speak to me afterwards. I did worry before hand that my message would not be relevant to someone new to the church.
Once it was over it felt as if I'd conquered a huge milestone....perhaps now i can retire i thought to myself. But no, Bank Holiday Monday offered well required rest and Tuesday was a clump of mixed tasks. In the absence of the senior minister I'm dealing with the people we support. One after the other i met with people in the morning then it was straight into school to mentor Oliver twist and then straight back to lead 8-12 year olds football. After the fighting mass of fighting and crying (and that's just the leaders) that resembles football coaching i arrived back to the Church to help out at the launch of Danny Smith's new book 'Slavery now and then'. Natasha Bedingfields mum was there and i considered making a comment to her about how much i admired her daughter.....but you'll be sad to know i didn't. At 11:15pm the event was cleared up and over....at last i could make my way back to Brixton.
That's a long day and today started again at 9am but before when i used to really struggle with the long days i now find them easier. But that's due to a greater comfort with London, the better weather, the lighter nights and a passion for my work. Not that i didn't enjoy work before but everything becomes easier when you feel at home. Scotland is home but London feels more like home. It's like when a footballer starts playing for a new club. It takes theme time to settle in before you will begin to see their best form. I don't think that's anything to do with their ability it's about a frame of mind that in turn affects the way they play
On Sunday the service was lead by Hannah Li, aged 23, the Church administrator. Worship led by Dan Nolloth, age 23, the church caretaker. Finally Andrew Nelson, age 23 was the speaker for the service. So as you can see the magic number was 23....quite literally the church congregation was left in the potentially capable hands of three 23 year olds. And how did we do? Well the feedback was great. I was told that i didn't come across as if i was preaching at Church.co for the first time....an old pro was another comment. What was great was that many of the people who've started coming along to church because of the many programs we run throughout the week were the first to speak to me afterwards. I did worry before hand that my message would not be relevant to someone new to the church.
Once it was over it felt as if I'd conquered a huge milestone....perhaps now i can retire i thought to myself. But no, Bank Holiday Monday offered well required rest and Tuesday was a clump of mixed tasks. In the absence of the senior minister I'm dealing with the people we support. One after the other i met with people in the morning then it was straight into school to mentor Oliver twist and then straight back to lead 8-12 year olds football. After the fighting mass of fighting and crying (and that's just the leaders) that resembles football coaching i arrived back to the Church to help out at the launch of Danny Smith's new book 'Slavery now and then'. Natasha Bedingfields mum was there and i considered making a comment to her about how much i admired her daughter.....but you'll be sad to know i didn't. At 11:15pm the event was cleared up and over....at last i could make my way back to Brixton.
That's a long day and today started again at 9am but before when i used to really struggle with the long days i now find them easier. But that's due to a greater comfort with London, the better weather, the lighter nights and a passion for my work. Not that i didn't enjoy work before but everything becomes easier when you feel at home. Scotland is home but London feels more like home. It's like when a footballer starts playing for a new club. It takes theme time to settle in before you will begin to see their best form. I don't think that's anything to do with their ability it's about a frame of mind that in turn affects the way they play
Friday, May 04, 2007
preaching a nervous encouragement
A week gone without one Blog....poor show on my part. The reason for my written absence is nerves as this Sunday i have been asked to preach/speak at the main service. An honour i never thought I'd get and an honour that makes me very nervous. Mentally I've been preparing for it all week but practically only today have i had time to sit down and really flesh out what it is i will say.
Worst case scenario is that i commit heresy in front of the congregation and never get asked to speak again. Best case scenario is that i do well and share the glory of having spread a strong practical message - therefore furthering God's kingdom. I will also have the honour of having preached on the same stage as Steve Chalke, Tony Blair and the Bishop of Durham.
Beneath the nerves i am excited by this opportunity.
Worst case scenario is that i commit heresy in front of the congregation and never get asked to speak again. Best case scenario is that i do well and share the glory of having spread a strong practical message - therefore furthering God's kingdom. I will also have the honour of having preached on the same stage as Steve Chalke, Tony Blair and the Bishop of Durham.
Beneath the nerves i am excited by this opportunity.
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