Living for today.....

This whole Gap year thing is strange because there are such distinct stages. You start and it's difficult adjusting to a new environment but eventually you become settled. Then you begin to work hard and perform well but by the time you've got to here it's time to prepare yourself for moving on. This is how the year has felt to me. As time goes on i feel more and more comfortable in London but more and more anxious about my future.

On Sunday we were discussing the concept of living for today. Does anyone ever live for that day alone and nothing else? Dave (senior minister) used the example of people going on Holiday to aid our understanding. He explained how people always say "but, we're going on holiday in July" indicating that they're looking forward to going on holiday. This is fine but it suggests that the here and now is miserable. I feel as guilty of this as anyone. In fact i constantly think about the future because i like to feel in control of whats ahead. However, I'm very aware that this stops me from enjoying some days for what they are. It stops me from embracing every day spent in London so that i don't reflect on it years later and think about how i should have appreciated it more. The days when I'm content and enjoying life as it comes are rare because constantly I'm reminded of the future by other people. I realise that it's just part of life but how wonderful would it be if there was a wider acceptance in society of today and what that brings.

It was also discussed that people too often dwell on the past and how good things were. But in reality the past is only good because we block out all the negatives and only remember the positives. I know for a fact in five years i will only remember this year for diverse London, great people, great food, culturally engaged church and not the times i have struggled. In Social Work i was taught about Solution Focused Brief Therapy where people going through the therapy are encouraged to focus on the future. It is considered that the past although important is a reminder of how things were and exists as a negative influence. Whereas, the future is unwritten and people are asked to think of their issues only in a future sense. It is felt that this helps people to overcome their problems in a more positive way.

Dave used a really useful analogy to help us think about living in today. He talked about teaching his son to ride a bike and how frustrating it had been for months to see him make no progress. But suddenly on Saturday it had just clicked and he could now ride a bike without any assistance. One of things his son had struggled to realise whilst learning was that he had to keep pedalling. If he stopped pedalling he'd fall. If he looked back on the bike (checking to see if his dad was still holding on to him) whilst pedalling he also fell over. However, when he began to look forward and pedal hard he found that he could ride the bike. The future is only meaningful when we've enjoyed the journey to get there. If we don't pedal today then we'll always be living for the future and that holiday that's three months away. This is something I'm really gonna focus on in order to really squeeze every bit of enjoyment out of this year because because before i know it it'll be over!